Don’t be scared; it’s just a baby

A post by "Dame Judy" To see more posts click here

Editor’s Note: Dame Judy is a mother of one who lives in Fredricksburg, works in Woodbridge, and chills in Alexandria.  She and her husband were raised in Mt. Vernon and most of their time is spent in Northern VA with friends and family.  Dame Judy will be providing us with her insights and stories from motherhood. 

Yesterday at work, while checking my Gmail, I saw that one of my girlfriends was on and we started chatting (yes, I use instant messager during work hours, get over it.)  Anyways, we got to talking and the topic of starting a family came up, and she said that I was the perfect person to talk to about it.  I get this a lot; my husband and I are the only couple in our circle of friends that have children, well, a child.  Our son is a 2 years old and is quite popular with our friends.

I was excited that she was thinking about having children, but I was also surprised.  Just two weeks ago, we had seen each other at my sister-in-law’s baby shower and she had made it very clear that children were not in her future plans.  She even made it a point to say that adoption would be her only option.  But I didn’t say a word about it and simply listened to her questions. 

I think asking a mother about motherhood is something that all women do.

I got the usual questions: “how do you know you’re ready?”, and “how has your life changed?” I usually have the same answer for these questions but I was curious as to why she kept asking me the first. “How do you know if you are ready?”  My usual answer, “you never are”, was not sufficient. I tried explaining that our son was not planned, but he has been more than a blessing to us.  I told her some stories about my husband and I and my pregnancy; how we found out, how we told our families, and how excited we were even though it took me a while to accept that I was expecting.  Then she asked a question that’s always emotional for me, “how was going back to work?”

I love my job. My director is great and my colleagues make my job so fun and relaxing. But I love my son more.  It was bittersweet to return to work after being at home for three months where all I did was stare at my son.  I missed him so much, but I also missed having conversations that were NOT about babies.  I loved wearing comfortable clothes all day, but my pumps were getting dusty, and my make-up bag was nowhere to be found.  I was reading Parenting, and shunning my Harper’s Bazaar. I had changed, but I was still my old self. 

For new moms, deciding to return to work is one of the hardest choices you have to make.  Unfortunately, I didn’t have a choice and knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant that I would return to work eventually.  I frown upon the idea of being a homemaker, but at the same time I want to have that luxury.  How would I be able to explain this to my girlfriend without scaring her?  Well, I didn’t.  The IT Department blocked my messenger before I could answer.

udothedishes . . .