Taken 2009: Westerners Held/Executed Abroad

A post by "Dame Judy" To see more posts click here

[Editor's Note: Before traveling please consult the Department of State's website and register with them here and also make it a point to register at the US Embassy in the country you're staying. In addition, heed all travel warnings documented daily by DOS here.]

2009 was a regretful year for Americans and Britons traveling outside of their homeland. Let’s take a quick look back at some of the stories then review a checklist of ‘do’s and dont’s’ for your next trip.

First, it was Laura Ling and Euna Lee. The two female journalists decided that it would be a good idea to head over to the Chinese-North Korean border. We have all read and heard about North Korea, their nuclear weapons, and harsh dictator. What? You haven’t? Please rent Team America: World Police, from the creators of South Park because something you may not know is NK dictator Kim Yong-Il is hilarious!

Anyways, Ms. Ling and Ms. Lee were detained by North Korean soldiers patrolling the border. North Korea convicted them of “committing hostilities against the Korean nation and illegal entry”. Once in detainment; they were sentenced to 12 years in a labor camp. Harsh! But then Bill Clinton came in and rescued them ala Chuck Norris in Delta Force (I love that movie!). Now they both have book deals?

Next up, were the three American freelance journalists that got lost while hiking in Kurdistan and ended up in “friendly” Iran (we all know how they feel about Americans). Same scenario as North Korean incident; they were in the border town and strayed into “enemy territory.” You would think that they learned a lesson from the above mentioned journalist. Anything for the story, right? Unfortunately, these young people are still imprisoned in Iran.

Late this summer we also learned of Samantha Orebator, a British citizen who was sentenced to death in Laos for trying to smuggle heroin. She gained international notice when she became pregnant while on death row. After British diplomats and emissaries fought for her cause, the Laotian courts decided that she will not be executed by firing squad. Instead, she will serve a life sentence. Sound like Brokedown Palace huh?

Last month, Amanda Knox aka Foxy Knoxy, an American exchange student in Italy, was sentenced to 26-years in prison for the murder of her British roommate (now the Brits will hate us). She spent over a year in an Italian prison without bail. Once her trial started, it was obvious this poor chick had no chance. The evidence was very damning and for the European press, this was an open and shut case.

Now we learn of Akmal Shaikh, another British citizen. Mr. Shaikh was arrested in Beijing in September 2007 and found guilty of smuggling, yes, you guessed it, heroin. A clemency campaign began soon after claiming that Mr. Shaikh was bipolar and no mental health evaluation was done while in prison. To the surprise of family and friends, Mr. Shaikh was executed by lethal injection.

Hopefully, after reading about these pathetic cases, you will learn this: Don’t f*ck around in a foreign country. Americans are so used to having a democratic and fair system that we forget that this isn’t the case worldwide. We go to Mexico, get shitfaced and then don’t remember jack when Deputy Hernandez is pistol whipping you in the back room. Granted, most of us don’t think pristine beaches, fine dining, and great family memories when we hear North Korea or Iran, but look at Foxy Knoxy. She went to Italy to study and now she is probably crying and eating polenta three times a day! So please, behave while abroad. Otherwise you will pay dearly, sometimes with your life. That being said I have created the following checklist of things NOT to do while abroad:

Checklist for traveling to unfriendly nations (including but not limited to all non-NATO countries):

• Do not do drugs. –South American Marijuana will likely be more potent than South East shit. When you are high, you tend to do crazy ish.

• Do not drink to the point of blacking out. – When drunk, you tend to do crazy ish.

• Do not get agree to carry or hold things for people you just met. – Akmal Shaikh met a guy in Kyrgyzstan, became fast friends and agreed to meet in China. His new friend then gave him a suitcase to take to China, which unknown to Akmal, was full of heroin.

• Do not invite new friends to your room/hostel/villa/chalet etc. – Most tourist destinations are also hotbeds for crime and scams. You might be robbed or raped. Think Taken, see below:

• Always know where your passport is. – If you can’t prove you are who you say you are, you are fucked!

• Don’t brag about being American. – This might be the most important point. Being from the US makes you an easy target. Most locals will try to rip you off because they think Americans are clueless, plus, many countries HATE us.

PS: Have a safe trip S.Dott

Udothedishes…